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| This has been an interesting year so far. Making some major changes in my life.
1. I've finally decided to switch my major into psychology. No more ECE, YAY!!!
2. Decided to be more active within the church.
3. I look like a man now. (Donated my hair :D)
4. (Recently) Lost my cellphone. Feels like i'm in middle school again :P
5. Maybe getting back into Taekwondo.
6. Oh yea, i'm learning how to dance.
Things that haven't changed:
1. I shower once a week
2. I wear the same thing everyday
3. I have no girlfriend :(
4. I'm still short
5. Still no good at basketball
Some things I want to accomplish:
1. Bowl a 300 game
2. Dance like Jabbawockeez
3. Make a band
4. Grow taller!!!
5. Find a girlfriend :P
Haha... these things will probably never happen. Well, not any time soon.
On a more serious note... I've been learning a lot this past year. One thing I want to touch on is Spiritual Discipline.
I thought I knew a lot about discipline, but I am learning more and more that discipline is what I lack. Growing up, I always thought discipline was something that others force on you. Two major contributors to this thought: 1) I grew up in a Korean family. 2) Taekwondo. I grew up with very disciplinary parents. Follow the rules, don't get in trouble. Break the rules, get owned. In Taekwondo, the rules were very similar. Listen to the master and no questions allowed. These seem like harsh conditions, but if I think about it, life wasn't too hard. Basically, I didn't have to think on my own. Other people did all the thinking for me. I just had to follow their instruction and life would be good. My spiritual life followed a very similar pattern. I began to depend upon the instruction of others to fuel my spiritual life. Others told me when to read the bible, when to pray, when to lead worship, when to lead bible study, etc.
Discipline; do what you are told. This was my misconception.
Coming to college, I faced many spiritual challenges in all areas of my life. I stopped doing my QTs, stopped praying, stopped seeking, and pretty much became a lost child. What's going on? I thought I was spiritually disciplined. I was in many leadership positions in my church, I had good relations with my family members, and my relationships outside the house were mainly centered around church. Time proved me wrong. As more time passed, I began to fall further away from God. On the exterior, I seemed to be doing fine (going to small group every week, same with large group and Lord's day service). But outside of that, I did nothing about my personal relationship with God. Sin became harder and harder to overcome and sermons became nothing more than a test to see how long I can stay awake. It's funny that as I grow physically older, I realize that I am spiritually younger and younger. But still, God is good.
This winter break was a major turning point in my life. At the start of break, i was dreading about what was to come. I was looking at 3 retreats. THREE!!!. All in a row. However, God blew me away Christmas night and broke me and stretched me through those 3 retreats. I feel like my eyes are finally open. God really convicted me about 1) Spiritual Discipline. and 2) Outreach to non-Christian friends.
Discipline is more than just following directions and rules. That is just legalism. Discipline is the active seeking for growth. Key word is ACTIVE. We have to act in order to grow. Anyone can seek things. It's not that hard. Just sit there and want it. The hard part is getting up and moving. If someone wants to get better at dancing, you can't just sit there and think about being a great dancer. You have to get up and practice, watch videos, and learn from others. Spiritual Discipline is similar. It is the active seeking for growth in your relationship with God. You can't just sit there and wish you were closer to God. Gotta get up, pick up your bible, read it, meditate, study, pray, and learn from others.
Another important part of Discipline: Personal devotion. It is not discipline if someone else is always telling you what to do and when to do it. Discipline is the ability to set aside time during the day to devote everything to learn. For example, Academic Discipline: we set aside time to study so that we can learn the material, Physical Discipline: we set aside time to go to the gym and exercise, and other Disciplines: martial arts, music, art. These are all areas that we have been disciplined in. This applies for our spiritual lives as well. Spiritual Discipline: setting aside time to meet with God personally, by reading the bible and praying.
I lacked and still lack all these things. I was not active in my personal relationship with God and whenever I prayed or read the bible, it was because someone told me too. It's kinda funny, but it feels like I'm back to square one in this Christian Life thing. Well, I guess I never left square one. It's back to the basics. I really want to grow in my spiritual discipline and really mature in my spiritual life. I don't want to stay a baby forever. I want to stand up and become a soldier. But, how can I fight when I can't even stand. Gotta learn how to walk. I am very thankful that God is teaching me step by step. I am thankful that God has placed me here at U of I and brought me to CFC. I'm being stretched and broken like crazy. I'm learning so much from the leaders and my peers. :)
I don't know what is ahead, but gonna take this one day at a time. Got mornin prayer soon.
mmm... long entry. If you got this far, muchas gracias.
In need of so much prayer.
more entries to come...
PEACE <>< | | |
| Wow, my leg is asleep. I am dying. OWWWWW
ok, it is spring break. My mac is broken, i have two exams coming up, i have no idea how to program in C, and school is almost over. No good.
Everything that was on my mac is now gone. (can't make DVDs for movies)
But, more movies are coming.
I have no pics to post this time. But, i will use my words to describe the pics that I would put up.
pic 1
another series of photos showing how long my hair got.
Mexico pic wit short hair, sometime later with longer hair, longer hair, even longer hair, etc...
pic 2
an enlarged picture of my most recent shot of my hair. Probably super long and girly.
pic 3
some glamour shot of me in black and white. Look quite girly
pic 4
some pic of me doing something crazy
pic 5
some group pic that i was in
pic #n
n number of pictures of random friends making crazy faces (jajaja)
Everyone enjoy ur spring breaks. I laugh at you now, but you guys get the final laugh. doh
Back to school soon. Wish me luck and pray that I may work hard to the end.
PEACE<>< | | |
| Hi everybody.
Here's a quick udpate of my life so far at University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana.
So it is finals week. I am pretty scared about my first set of finals. I haven't been doing the best in school so far. But, I got my act together and picked up my grades a bit. But, all that won't matter if I mess up my finals. Please pray for me that I can study hard and do my best. Also, please pray for me that I can study and enjoy the work that I am doing for God. If I do this work for myself, I will never enjoy it. Studying is pretty hard here.
I've learned a lot this past semester. God's been teaching me new things everyday. I'll edit more later because I have to study now. I'll just leave with one solid point that stuck with me for the entire semester. God desires to grow us all. But, in order to let us grow, he takes us through many arenas of life. Through revivals, through trials, through storms, through times of joy, times of grief, and through it all. God breaks us down in order to build us up again. Even though we may go through very dry periods with our relationship with God, God never changes and still wants to grow us. He blesses us with grace and mercy so that we can recommit ourselves to God.
Here is another update on my hair. So long. WOW
I forgot when this was, check out my myspace. There is a slideshow with dates and everything. LOL
www.myspace.com/bocajeel
December 2005
PEACE<>< | | |
| I finally landed a kickflip!!!!! YAY
Half of first semester is over now. Wow, time flies by quickly. College is getting better. I just figured out that I am getting a room mate. Before I would have been fine, but after four weeks of being alone, I am a little upset that I am getting a room mate now. Right when I get comfortable, things change on me and I have to start all over. Starting with temporary housing, to being moved to PAR alone, and now this. I moved all the furniture in my room so that I can use all of the room, but now, I have to move everything back to the way it was. Man... All I can hope for and pray for is that I can get a cool room mate who will respect me, my property, and privacy. On the upside, I won't be alone anymore. I think. I am kinda scared. I heard a lot of crazy stories about crazy room mates peeing and pooping on beds and smelling bad and vomit and girl friends and weird things. But, this whole situation is in God's hands so I should not worry too much. Lord, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! give me a cool room mate.
I made a lot more friends now. I got to meet many people at mini-os, paintball outing, and through class night. Yea, I'm the guy who did the splits. I have an interesting image here. A skater boy, with a long pony tail, who can do the splits. Oh yea, people definitely think I am a girl now. If they are not in CFC or in my classes, they think that I am a skater girl or something because I always have my skateboard with me. Aigoo, what a pain. It is pretty funny though when people actually figure out that I am a guy.
Skater Boy +
Long hair +
Splits =
ME.
Here are some more photos of me showing off my girly looks. My hair is still growing really fast.
My girly image
Hair flipping action
Long hair
Me trying to do another girly pose.
Doing cool stuff to my hair
July 2006
October 2006
But hey, I am still all man!!!
This was last August. Wow.
Alrighty everyone. Tell me how you guys are doing. I will do my best to reply as quickly as possible. College work is getting harder and harder, so it is harder for me to update often. OK bye now.
PEACE<>< | | |
| Interesting quote: (from a sermon) "It is a gift to be single"
College...Honestly, it is not as great as I expected it to be. It does not feel too different than what I have already been through in highschool. I go to class, I come back to my dorm, I study, exercise, sometimes hang out with friends, go to church on weekends. All these weekly routine stuff is the same, except... I am completely alone now. I was not a very social person back at home. But, I still had my family to talk to and be with. But now, I am finding myself alone in my dorm room sitting on the computer doing nothing or laying on my bed thinking whether I should do homework or take a nap (usually ends up being a nap). To make a long explanation short, I am bored and lonely. I am meeting many new people everyday, but I don't have those close friends that I always hang out with yet. I am sure things will change soon. It is only the beginning of freshman year.
Oh yea. College is a crazy place. You actually have alot of freedom. I can basically do whatever I want, except drink legally. So, be careful when coming into college life. Some kids come into college not expecting how much freedom they will have. They usually can't handle it very well, so they go do whatever they want. They go party, drink, procastinate on studies, go have sex, and basically go do anything that parents told them not to do. I am not saying that everyone does this. I am just saying that there are a lot of temptations in college and there is really no one to hold you accountable. Your parents are not there to tell you that something is wrong and peer pressure is every where. Be careful when coming into college. Absence of self control leads to self destruction.
For those of you who don't know, I started to skateboard now. I'll try to put up more pictures of college and skateboarding on the photoblog thing. Apparently, everyone knows me as the skater boy with long hair who kinda looks like a girl. Basically, I stick out in a crowd. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Alot of people know me now, but the problem is, I don't know them. Either that, or it is extremely difficult to memorize so many names in a short amount of time. I was never good with names to begin with. So, if I don't remember your name, I am sorry. I am not trying to be mean or to ignore you, I really want to get to know everyone. It is just that my head can't store all those names in the long term memory area of my brain. Oh yea, I am also participating in something called "Locks of Love". For those of you who don't know what that is, it is an organization that takes real hair that people donate and make real-haired wigs out of them and give it to (usually) women cancer patients who have undergone therapy for free. So I am growing my hair out for one more year until August 2007. Then, I will undergo a major hairstyle change. Nothing, nada, baldo. So expect fun pictures when that time comes around. I'll try to update frequently on how long my hair is getting. You can see how long it has gotten if you look at my other entries either below or on the other pages on my xanga.
SKATEBOARDING
Locks of Love update
My small group (ISR 1)
Mini Olympics (Our march to the battlefield)
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